New looping waterslide looks more like torture than fun

The looping waterslide. It’s one of the holy grails of amusement park design. Only one has ever been built, at Action Park in New Jersey. It was opened for less than a month – but it’s legend lives on forever.

Now, the same park that “invented” the first looping waterslide is now poised to install this monstrosity:

http://kotaku.com/360-degree-waterslide-looks-like-a-vomit-tube-1692503973

How you can call this a “waterslide” – when there’s no water and you’re not really sliding – is beyond me. It’s much more like the vacuum tubes you find at Costco or your local drive up teller.

After being secured into a metal “pod” (nee coffin) guests are whisked down the enclosed tube via a vertical drop, then into the vertical loop. After that – I assume they somehow get you out of the five point harness, and get the “shuttle” back up to the top.

Now, just seeing the GIF of the first human rider – at what point do we begin to have fun? ‘Cause last time I checked – being strapped into a metal cage has never led to good things. Remember “the Chamber” on Fox? Yeah, it didn’t last too long and I suspect this looping “waterslide” won’t go mainstream, either.

Stick with the body and tube slides, people. Some things were just not meant to become reality.